True Identity featuring Bryan White
We know Bryan White for his smash Country singles like "God Gave Me You," "Rebecca Lynn," and "From This Moment" with Shania Twain. But we came to love the Grammy-winning country music artist for his humble candor as he shared his heartbreaking story of losing his voice and identity at the peak of his musical career, and his on-going healing and discovery that who you are is not what you do. Also Leigh Cappillino of Point of Grace joins Bryan for a special musical moment!
Transcript
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Mark: Well, here's another one that I heard the name, but because I'm not a music aficionado- Is that a word?
Andrew: Yeah, aficionado.
Mark: But Bryan White, and I put him on the Facebook today, and man, people were like Bryan White, Bryan White, how do you know Bryan White? He knows me too. It's an amazing episode. I enjoyed this one.
Andrew: Yeah, he is just a really classic country artist from- I grew up listening to him on the country radio, songs like "Rebecca Lynn" and "From This Moment On" with Shania Twain. He's had, I mean he was defining a younger generation of country music. So I was kind of fanboying.
But I know his brother Daniel White here in Nashville, so he introduced us. And we just let him tell his story about identity. It's more than if you're a celebrity or not. We all put so much stock into what we do or how we present ourselves, and this is getting us back to the basics of who we are, and that's not always what we do.
Mark: So if your identity is wrapped up in what you do, we have one seat left at the table and it's yours. Let's join the conversation.
Mark: You are an amazingly talented writer.
Andrew: Mm-hmm.
Mark: Talented singer, and how did you, what happened? Take me back to the beginning. How did people first hear of Bryan White?
Bryan: Well, I grew up in Oklahoma and come from a long line of farmers, auctioneers, and my dad was the one guy that was the black sheep of the family. He started playing drums when he was a kid and got bit by the music bug and met my mom in high school, and my mom just happened to be a naturally talented singer. And they eventually started some bands and started playing the devil's music. And eventually moved to Oklahoma City from their really small rural southwestern Oklahoma towns that they were from, and they jumped in feet first and started trying to break into the scene in Oklahoma City and did really well for many, many years, essentially put my brother and I through school playing music really.
So I kind of got the bug. I got it honest from them. And somewhere along the lines of 16- or 17-years-old, I can't even remember what the question was you asked me, but...
Mark: Back to the beginning. You're right, you're right on target. How people first heard of you.
Bryan: Yeah, okay, so I, I was fortunate enough through a couple friends in Oklahoma City to get connected with a guy in Nashville named Billy Joe Walker Jr., and Billy took to my voice, and before I had even graduated from high school, and said I'd love to meet with you. Long story short, I made a trip to Nashville, met with him, sang a couple demos for him, and he and his wife took me under their wing, and I stayed with them and came up here and eventually moved after I graduated from high school, and I did graduate.
And then from then on, one thing happened after the next. I got a publishing deal. Glen Campbell signed me to his publishing company.
Andrew: How cool is that? 18-year-old kid or something?
Bryan: 19. And I really didn't know how to-
Mark: So you had been writing how long before that?
Bryan: Not long. I wouldn't even call myself a songwriter at that point. I was just, I sort of wanted to write so bad, and that was the one little catalyst that helped me to really start learning how to write songs, the craft of writing songs.
And so through that publishing deal I got to meet so many people and write with them, co-create with them. And then I eventually got a record deal after that, and started, my first record came out in '94.
Mark: And you were how old at that time?
Bryan: 19, 20, something like that.
Andrew: I mean, I think about when your first record came out. There are a lot of people who put a lot of years into a lot of records before something really hits. And I know you had a few singles that did okay before you had your number ones, but still you had a debut record that comes out as platinum.
And I was reading this article that said really your music, and I think about, I was growing up as a kid in Texas at that time hearing Bryan White all the time on the radio. They said that you-
Bryan: What part of Texas?
Andrew: West of Fort Worth, going towards Abilene.
Bryan: Okay, yeah, yeah.
Andrew: Like Weatherford area.
Bryan: Okay, yeah, yeah.
Andrew: Azle?
Bryan: Okay.
Mark: You've been all over Texas, I bet.
Bryan: I'll be in Fort Worth in November actually.
Andrew: Oh really?
Mark: So you were saying-
Bryan: We can get along.
Andrew: I know, there's no line, but there is.
I was just thinking so much success so soon, oh, and this article was saying you literally helped define a new younger generation of country music. Of course, this was as pop/country was still kind of making its way, was still coming out of country being fairly traditional, Emmy Lou Harris, that kind of thing. And they said that you helped redefine a generation of country music because of your youth and because of the sound. And I think the sales and all that followed to affirm that.
Do you remember having impressions as a 19-, 20-year-old going, "Okay, this is huge. What do I do with this?"
Mark: Did you get cocky?
Bryan: Oh gosh, for sure, yeah, everybody-
Mark: How could you not?
Bryan: There's no human being on Earth that can handle that kind of stuff and not, you know-
Andrew: At 19, 20 especially.
Mark: What would you tell that 20-year-old if you could sit down with him and say, "Okay, listen," not specific things, but what would you say to him to help him not do-
Bryan: First thing I'd say was, I'd look him straight in the eye, and I'd say, "Listen, you're not that big of a deal. And secondly, you aren't your voice, you aren't your career, you're created for much more than that." And I'd say don't forget to have fun. I forgot to have fun along the way. It became-
Mark: A taskmaster.
Bryan: But to answer your question, there were definitely moments where I knew something big was really happening, and I can't take credit for the, the, what you were saying, we were part of a movement or something. Well, I mean, maybe, but I wasn't the sole decider in a lot of that stuff. I was so young and so green. I just knew- I don't know if I really knew what a hit song was as much as I knew what a great song was, and people like Kyle Lehning and Billy Joe Walker Jr. at my label, it was kind of a concerted effort on the songs and the material, and so I think it was really a team effort.
But maybe to some degree my vocal style being a little different and not what was happening at the time maybe contributed to that, but it was really a team effort.
Andrew: I mean, do you remember thinking in that time, like Mark said becoming a taskmaster, and probably almost kind of this mini god. It's what careers I think have an easy way to do, especially when they elevate that quickly. Did you even think, "Hey, I'm going down a path that can't sustain itself." I mean, were you thinking of sustaining at all? "If I wanna do this in 30 years?"
Bryan: No. I never thought about that. I didn't have a very line, I wasn't very linear minded 'cause it happened so young. I thought, "Well what are we doing today?" It was a day-to-day type of mentality. I didn't have a lot of intuitiveness that I, that I wish I- It's the same thing. I wish I knew then what I know now.
Mark: Did you have good people around you?
Bryan: I think so, without a doubt.
Mark: 'Cause that made all the difference, didn't it?
Bryan: I mean, we all had our differences, and you have arguments with people that you love-
Mark: But they didn't rip you off, they didn't-
Bryan: No, I can't say anywhere along the way that anybody took advantage of me that I was aware of. I consider that definitely God's providence and covering there.
Mark: For sure.
Andrew: When did it begin to- I mean, you had a really long run on that first kind of part of your career journey. Do you remember moments where, okay, this is kind of cracking in your psyche, just in your physical ability to keep up, or expectations of yourself where you're like this isn't gonna fly forever?
Bryan: I remember always feeling a certain amount of pressure with every little thing that I had to do. I remember being fatigued and tired all the time, and I took that out on everybody around me because I didn't feel like people took the time to think about my well-being as much. We were all working hard, but there were times where two years prior I was sleeping on a desk in high school. So to be going at that pace was, it wasn't anybody's fault because there was-
Andrew: You signed up.
Bryan: 'cause this is what I signed up for. But there were just times where I would, I didn't wanna go do something.
Mark: What were your parents thinking? What were they- I mean, were they, did they know how fatigued you were, or were they thrilled with your success? I'm sure they supported you.
Andrew: They were musicians.
Bryan: Oh, for sure. I think I always had love and support from grandparents and my parents. As far as what they thought, I know what my mom thought. I didn't have the tightest relationship with my dad, but I do know now because my mom tells me very openly what she thought a long time ago.
I think she felt like I was sort of stolen from her for many years because in a couple little- There's always a couple little remarks that still stick with me to this day that I don't remember who said 'em, but there was always- I remember back then somebody said, "Well, say goodbye to your family and everything that you love for the next few years." And it kind of hit me, kind of aggravated me a little bit, 'cause I was like what are you, what are you talking about?
Andrew: I'll see my family.
Bryan: And it really was that. And now I realize why my mom felt like that. She just couldn't, her son was gone, and I don't even think I was exactly the same when I was around her a lot because I was just so sort of almost indoctrinated by just your poise and what's going on, and you're playing the radio game, and you're in, you've become this box of cookies that is being marketed everywhere, so you have a totally different mindset and it's hard to be normal.
Mark: And it goes from that to a cog in the wheel.
Bryan: Yeah.
Mark: Where you're just working, working, working, exhausted.
Bryan: For sure.
Mark: So what happened? How have you- I've always said you can either land the plane or crash it, but when it's out of gas, it's coming down. So did you land it or did you have, what happened?
Bryan: I don't know if I landed it or if it crashed. I still, the jury's still out on that. I mean, I knew I was a good singer. I knew I was an exceptional singer, and I had something different. And obviously that begins to, you start drinking your own Kool-Aid, and God was not at the center of my life at that time. I had a form of godliness as they say, but he wasn't the center of my focus. I was the center of my focus. My voice, my career, all that, it was the game of how do we, we're doing a show with this person, how do we kick, we gotta kick their butt. We gotta show them what we got. And it was always that competitive nature and trying to outdo the last thing that we did.
And all the while you've got a label and management constantly on you about something. "Why'd you cut your hair?" Or "You're singing this song too high.” "Can you lower the key?" "Stop singing all those licks in the solo section." "Don't close your eyes when you're singing." And "Oh, by the way, we need another 'Rebecca Lynn.'" Okay.
There's this kind of a pressure cooker kind of thing, so I knew at that point we were on top of the world and poised to, I don't know, maybe become an arena act or moving toward that. We needed great songs. And I felt like we had some great songs on this record. And I did sing 'em too high. I was starting to really push my own envelope to see what I was capable of. And nobody told me-
Well, there was one person that did say to me, "Just 'cause you can sing that high doesn't mean you should," and it was Steve Wariner who said that to me. He goes, "Just because you can sing that high doesn't mean you have to."
And I had just started to, I was stressed out, not sleeping well, radio is starting to not play the last couple singles that have come down the pike, and they're critiquing them, and I started to read articles about my voice. And certain people in my camp would say things about my voice, or "Are you okay?" And slowly but surely, it's still a mystery to me, there's still a great mystery around my voice that I think God is slowly revealing to me but may not reveal all of it, I don't know.
But I, I was touring, LeAnn Rimes and I did a big tour together in '98, and at the end of that tour, something started to happen with my voice. I did a little Christmas EP and we were finishing up the year in Vegas that year, and I started to slowly just, I could feel little things, shortness of breath or wow, I couldn't get to that place, and I started to experience a lot of anxiety.
So the following year, in '99, we had hundreds and hundreds of dates. We gotta keep everybody's rent paid. So over the course of the next three months of that new year in '99, my voice just grinded to a halt, and it was just unbearable, I mean to the point of I couldn't produce a tone out of my voice. It was just (struggling sounds) like that.
So I finally, after grinding it out and going to vocal coach after vocal coach, and hypnotists, and everything I could think of. I was desperate, I was scared, I was losing this thing that gave me an identity, so it was scary because I was, I think-
Mark: Did you have anybody walking with you through this that you could really say...?
Andrew: A confidant?
Mark: Yeah, a friend, anybody?
Bryan: Not a close one.
Mark: That would understand anyway.
Andrew: So you felt alone.
Bryan: Very, very alone. And there were a couple people within my camp that actually said, "I'm not sure if your voice is ever gonna come back. You might wanna consider some other options." And I still hear them reverberating at the foot of my bed every day when I wake up.
My beautiful, amazing wife was on a soap at the time in New York City, and I thought- We didn't have kids yet, so I thought I'm gonna get in my car, and I'm just gonna go to New York City and hang out with my wife for as long as I want. Still had enough money in the bank I could do that.
And so I went up there, and I was chatting with her German makeup lady in the makeup room while she was on set, and all the way up there, I grew up in church, I didn't go to church a lot, and it was very nominal. Church camp was really where I felt the greatest presence of God. I had an aunt and uncle that were just amazing. They were a really great model of, not that they were perfect, but they were really doing the work. And so I think the first real major seeds were planted in some of those summers with my cousins. So I kind of equate my whole story to Proverbs 22:6. I came back to what I knew.
So I asked this German lady in the makeup room, I said, "Where do you go to church?" And I can't remember her name, was like Glenda or something like that, and she said, "Oh yeah, I go to the church on 92nd Amsterdam. You have to go. It's amazing. Diverse and beautiful music and great." And so I just felt, I felt like we needed to go.
So Erika and I started going to this church, and I got plugged into this men's fellowship, and I started actually reading the Bible for the first time in my life. Actually reading it and trying to understand it, and God slowly began to really reveal himself to me, and reveal big words that I never really thought much about, like grace and all that kind of stuff. And I started to really wake up and understand it's so much bigger than what I make and all this stuff.
Did you have a question?
Andrew: No, I love what you're saying there.
Did it begin to reorient that identity? It sounds like an identity crisis. What you said, if your identity is in what you do and then that closes shop without your control, it sounds as if your body was responding to what your emotions (indistinct).
Mark: Sounds like the ego died a little.
Andrew: Right. Yeah.
Bryan: And it hurt.
Mark: Yeah, it hurts.
Bryan: Painful.
Mark: That ego don't like to go.
Bryan: Painful.
Andrew: So was that spiritual awakening a way of finding a true identity? Was that part of that?
Bryan: For sure.
Andrew: What did you discover in that, spiritually speaking?
Bryan: 'Cause men, if you ask a man anything about themselves, they start talking about their career.
Andrew: Career. (laughing)
Bryan: 'Cause that's it.
Mark: You're so good I forgot to eat.
Bryan: Oh, it's okay, go for it. And not, when Erika-
Mark: That's when you know the conversation's good, when you forget to eat.
Bryan: When Erika was done at the show there, I had all, we had always had our place here, and we got plugged into a church and really under the wing of some really great people that helped us to kind of start really walking and walking it out.
But fast forward, I'm on the right path, very flawed, still working out a lot of stuff in the dirt.
Mark: Your voice is not any better, right, or is it? What happens?
Bryan: I still to this day, I've gone through bitterness toward God, even after getting saved-
Mark: So it's still gone? It's gone.
Bryan: I deal with. I'm not in a state of bitterness now, but I have been through phases where I'm like, "Lord, what is up? If this is my livelihood and this is how I'm to provide, continue to provide for my kids, what gives?"
And like I said, there's been a great mystery around my voice and what happened, and what's continuing. How I do have new discoveries along the way. I think that some of it has been potentially neurological, maybe possibly due to- I've studied so much on my own situation. Maybe due to trauma from being a kid, some abuse and some having an alcoholic father. I see a lot of correlations to that kind of stuff, which I don't doubt has played into it.
I dove off of a boat at Lake Texoma when I was a kid, I was 14, and it was only two foot of water, and I just… I mean, just all kinds of little things that you think about 'cause you're trying to put the pieces back together. And then on the, the physical side, I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I don't think there's anything wrong.
Andrew: So it's a connect here somewhere.
Bryan: Listening to my voice, there's nothing wrong with my voice. I mean, just the past few months, I've discovered that I'm not, I'm exhaling all of my air before I even start to sing. And I think it's, there's some kind of little mental mechanism that's coming from fear that's kind of kicking in right before I, you know?
Andrew: And that can be a learned- I mean, I'm learning a lot about fear, and I have a family member who's dealing with some chronic issues that could stem from fear. We all have anxiety that drive and shuts us down in different ways.
It's amazing to me, that would be the question, how do you, that's like dealing with yourself, our humanity, the fact that, like you're saying, my voice, I think it's fine, I don't think it's a physical thing, I think it's coming from my brain or my heart and this anxiety and fear. Does that ever, I mean what do we do with that? Do you get better after that? That's some core stuff.
Mark: And how are you dealing with it? It's not back. Are you still singing?
Bryan: Well, check it out, this is so weird. It's, the cliche answer is to trust God, and that's very hard to do sometimes. But I'm trying. I'm trying to stay strong in my faith and continue on and know at the end of the day that he's got this. And that's a tough one for men especially.
Andrew: And for creatives too, I think.
Bryan: Yeah.
Andrew: To lose an aspect of how they're created.
Bryan: The issue that happens live is sometimes if I hit one snag, my mental, it will-
Andrew: Sets you off.
Bryan: It's just like it- You go into protective mode, and you can't undo it because you're tasking, you're engaging with people, and you're trying to be...
And part of the battle too is I have to constantly remind myself, "Dude, you're not Bryan White, 22. Let it go, let it go. You got gray hair now."
So I have to, so I'll battle that too because I-
Mark: Have you lowered things?
Bryan: Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Mark: Don't be proud about that.
Bryan: Well, Vince, I was, Vince Gill came to my house one time, and God bless him for coming and doing this. He played mandolin on a track for me at my house. And we talked about this same thing. And he said "Man, why don't you just lower your keys a half step? Just tune your guitar a half step down," and that really did help me a lot. Sometimes I'll tune it down a whole step if I've got a week full of stuff and my voice is just torn up.
Mark: And who knows? Nobody knows the difference.
Bryan: Right.
Andrew: It's an internal thing. There's such a thing, I think especially as men, but I think women do this too. I've heard from women in their households comparing with other people's kids and how they decorate their home. Everybody has this internal pressure to be something that I don't think on a bigger perspective God's asking us.
Mark: Well, when you lower your expectations, life is a lot easier to deal with.
Andrew: There's true religion.
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Leigh Cappillino and Bryan White singing “What I Already Know”
Bryan: Well, first of all, it's an honor to sit here with you and play this song. I remember really vividly the day we wrote this song. It was Michael Boggs and myself, and a good friend of mine by the name of Scotty Alexander. And we're all, Michael's the young one, Scotty and I, I would arguably say that we are middle-aged, and we were kind of having a middle-aged conversation with the younger guy, great songwriter, Michael. And we were just talking about our struggles, and Michael just out of nowhere just started kind of going. He even said that line, he said, "Sometimes I just feel like we just need a little bit more faith to believe what we already know." And it's literally one of those moments where, when he said that, it just kind of started flowing out of all of us.
And it came from this really, really primal place for us, and it was one of those days where you, when you were finished you were like, "Wow, this is a great song because it's- We can always have it in our arsenal for ourselves to help us." And it wasn't, "Oh man, who's gonna cut this?" It was, "What a neat piece of music that God has given us that we can continue to encourage ourself with."
Leigh: And now encourage a whole lot of other people 'cause when I heard it for the first time it just hit me in a really, really interesting place. And I'm probably the same age as you are, and growing up in a church, and you still, it doesn't mean you're equipped every single day, every single moment, and every single situation to just persevere like you're a superhero. You still need to be reminded of those things that are the foundational products of your faith.
Bryan: Absolutely, without question.
Life has been a teacher, an enemy and a friend
And at times I've been a sinner and a saint
I've been known to lose my temper, my patience and my pride
But I've never lost the need to pray
Lord, I don't need some truth reveal to me
Or some sacred thing to hold
Well, all I really need is just a little more faith
To believe what I already know
You said You'd never leave me
You'd walk right by my side
Right now all I feel is alone
Cause I can't see Your angels watching over me
Oh, but Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so
Lord, I don't need some mountain moved for me
Or some miracle to behold
All I really need is just a little more faith
To believe what I already know
I know there are much bigger problems than mine
But Lord if You get the time
I don't need the waters to part for me
Or to see those streets of gold
All I really need is just a little more faith
To believe what I already know
Yeah, the secret to walking down life's road
Is to believe what I already know
Mark: (indistinct) Bryan White.
Andrew: Fast forward even to, what was it, five years ago or so, we were talking about this before we started rolling, about your song "God Gave Me You," which was on that record we were talking about from 16, 17 years ago that became this huge hit in the Philippines.
Bryan: I feel like an actor that's trying to time out my next bite, my next bite while you're, 'cause I don't know when you're gonna stop.
Andrew: I talk a long time. I don't stop.
Mark: And he will edit greatly. I mean, really, when you see this, you'll think it's PBS.
Andrew: I even edit myself.
Mark: They have me out of the picture.
Andrew: Really it's an interesting one on one, the final piece.
Mark: I'm just here to eat. I love the food.
Andrew: But the "God Gave Me You" thing, here's what I wanna say about that. This became, for those that don't know, this song of yours became literally, I mean, a game changer in the Philippines. I mean, how random.
Number one, you're playing arena shows now in the Philippines because you're now this musical celebrity because of this song, but it's in a different part of your life by that point in time. Do you feel like the resources with going through some of this, where is my identity, what I do is not who I am, so starting to discover that and find your voice on a grander scale, did that give you this kind of toolkit?
Then you blew up in the Philippines and you are having- I mean, I saw videos that went viral of you. I mean, literally people are just mobbing you.
Mark: Did you handle that different? That's the question.
Bryan: Well, I cried a lot when I was there because I couldn't believe that that was happening somewhere else to start with, and the fact that it felt familiar was, it reminded me of my youth, and it was just a very surreal, emotional-
Mark: Did you enjoy it this time?
Bryan: I did because I really felt grateful. Not that I wasn't grateful at 22-, 23-years-old, but I was really grateful as a dad. I was grateful as a- I know how much poverty is over there, and I know how much people struggle over there. There's so much trafficking and so many kids that are abandoned there. And I knew about that prior to going over because of my brother doing work over there and so many people that knew about the Philippines.
So all those things playing in, it was just like this giant mesh in my head of all the things that I knew up to that point. It was all very emotional around every little corner.
Andrew: Does it feel like this grand, gracious gesture maybe even from God to say-
Bryan: I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little twinge of that.
Mark: It's almost embarrassing to admit that though, isn't it? 'Cause you think he is so much more gracious than you can even talk about, 'cause then someone might think he's playing favorites, but I think he plays favorites to everybody, don't you?
Bryan: I agree, I agree.
Mark: He makes you feel like you're his favorite.
Andrew: And it's not about celebrity. Maybe some people will be like, "Well, this is not relatable because I don't have a celebrity platform." It's in each of our careers, in each of our lives, in each of our families. There are these transcendent moments, I think, where God is showing us we're his favorite.
Mark: We almost see through the veil a little bit.
Andrew: Think about your kids-
Bryan: Enough about me. Let's talk about-
Andrew: No.
Mark: No, you're fascinating.
Andrew: You have two sons, and they're teenagers now, right?
Bryan: Mm-hmm.
Andrew: So they're not far away, 10 years from being in their own, head long into their own careers. They've got the male trait. They're probably gonna be somewhat obsessed with their careers, what they're doing, or have a lot of passion and motivation towards that. How have you discovered with your identity? Are you parenting them through what you're learning about how, "Hey, boys, your identity's not in what you do? It's important what you do, but that's not who you are."
Bryan: I'm trying my best to impart to them everything that I've learned through trial and error, and I did not have a perfect upbringing. I had a lot of love but a lot of dysfunction too that my brother and I came out of. So yes, I'm trying to every day.
The main thing is I didn't hear- I heard "I love you" a lot from my mom and from my grandparents. I didn't hear "I love you" a lot from the men in my life, and that's one thing, I don't let a day go by without letting them know, "Hey, I love you and I'm proud of you."
Mark: Good for you.
Bryan: My mom, the women, did that really well in my life, but I didn't hear that a lot from the men in my life. I did, but not-
Mark: My dad had the revelation that you did because his dad and mom didn't hug, didn't kiss-
Bryan: That generation, yeah.
Mark: And my dad saw his best friend get hugged and kissed by his father before he got on the train for them to go to college, and my father decided right then, "I'm gonna hug and kiss my kids." So we never knew not knowing it, and I'm older than you. Your parents probably are somewhere between me and my dad. I would think they just must not have gotten it either.
Bryan: Well, my granddad was not outspoken, definitely was a very loving guy. I mean, just great, great guy, hard worker, but just didn't, just didn't go there. He just, it was an uncomfortable thing to really wear your heart on your sleeve for him, and my dad was kind of the same way. The only time he would get real emotional was when he was drunk. Then he would tell you how much he loved you. But my dad would have been 64 this year, and my mom is about 62, so I have pretty young parents. My mom had me when she was 17, so...
Andrew: Well, simple "I love yous" from a father in a child, I think, can dispel throughout their lives or can help them move past that they have to prove themselves, that what they do has to be their whole being. Those simple "I love you," your boys will carry with them for the rest of their life. That knowledge when they're in tough places, when their place is having trouble finding-
Mark: Do they say it back?
Bryan: Yeah, they do. My youngest is, he's very vocal about it. I can't leave his bedside without him giving me a kiss on the cheek before I go downstairs. Justin is, he's not as outspoken about it, but he definitely says it too for sure.
Another thing I was thinking about is, for a long time, maybe a decade ago, it's hard to believe that this, my thing continues on and has been going on for as long as it has, and we've all got our things that we're all struggling with, but for a long time, I was really scared to sit somewhere like this in an interview type of thing and talk about those kind of things because it is my livelihood, and what if some promoter sees it and goes, "Crap, I'm not, I'm not calling Bryan White."
Mark: That crossed my mind too.
Bryan: So that was a big fear of mine too that caused me to just kind of brush it under the carpet.
Mark: Well, how did you jump that hurdle?
Bryan: I remember what God says, and it's we overcome the enemy by the word of our testimony and by the blood of the lamb. So how can I go wrong, how can I go wrong after that?
Mark: So what was harder, the career or the husband, family thing? Being a good father-
Andrew: And a good husband.
Mark: What's the scariest or hardest?
Bryan: Well, I don't think any dad thinks they're the greatest dad in the world. They just, 'cause it's so humbling. I think I have a great relationship with my kids and my wife, and we're all, we're doing our very best, and we have a great time together. My wife's a saint. I'd say it's probably harder to navigate through career.
Mark: Do you like where your career is now? Where would you like it to be?
Bryan: Nobody ever asks me that question.
Andrew: We got the Bryan White exclusive.
Bryan: And immediately, I wanna go to some politically correct answer-
Andrew: Don't.
Bryan: Some cliche answer.
Andrew: Don't say, "I'm happy with it."
Mark: Well, hush and let him talk.
Bryan: I think there's a level of, I think there's really a reservoir still in me that is holding my greatest, but I'm still, still trying to figure out the mystery. I think if the levee breaks in that, or the light goes off or something happens where I feel like I can dip into my 92%, 93%, I think I can see maybe, maybe my best record ever in the future, if God allows that to happen. But maybe he doesn't want that to happen, I don't know.
Mark: And you're still young, really.
Bryan: Thanks, I appreciate that.
Mark: I mean, you are. If you're not, you look it. You do have probably a good 10, 15 of a career left, I would think.
Bryan: I can think of a lot of things that I'd like to see in a better place career-wise, but I'm very grateful for where I am currently.
Andrew: Well, we're thankful for your voice.
Mark: Oh man, I'm glad you-
Bryan: Thanks, man.
Mark: I was kind of getting scared on this story, 'cause I don't know your story, and I was thinking, "Oh no," 'cause I was thinking, "Okay, he's still singing. Oh no, maybe he isn't still singing." I mean, I was with you. And I'm so glad you're okay.
Bryan: Thanks, man.
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